Alexa Babin

I once heard that courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. It’s not a lack of fear or even an overcoming of it – it’s action in the face of fear. So, the idea of conquering your fears is an intriguing one. I do think it can be done, but perhaps it happens less often than we assume. What if the person who seems to have conquered their fears isn’t any less afraid, they’re just moving forward regardless of feeling scared?

That’s a freeing concept (for me, at least).

Conquering fears completely can feel like a level of growth I’m not sure I’m capable of. Like a major to-do that needs to be broken down into smaller bits to have any real chance of being accomplished. Have you felt this? Boxed in without clarity or confidence on how to break loose?

Fear can be a prison of the mind. It limits us in ways that don’t always make sense. Because let’s be real – many of our greatest fears are more bark than bite. Fear of public speaking? That’s a common one. What’s the worst that happens if you mess it up? People talk about you behind your back for a while before forgetting about it? That seems like something we can survive. What about fear of rejection? Other people fail to choose you in some capacity and you’re forced to move on with the sting of knowing you weren’t picked? Also survivable. But that’s the crazy thing about fear. So often when we feel it, the sensation is overwhelming. A lie of life and death. We think we’ll die if that person won’t go on a date with us. Or if we say something bold and things get awkward. Or we speak to a crowd and they think we’re crazy. Our minds and bodies respond to fear as if it’s the last thing we’ll ever feel. Like it’s the very thing that will take us out and ruin us forever.

But it’s not. Fear only has the power we give it.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of feeling afraid of things that aren’t worthy of my fear. To be clear… some things in life are. It’s okay to be afraid. But when the feeling comes, remember that it’s meant to be a protective measure, and sometimes, we don’t need the level of protection the fear convinces us we do.

Sometimes, we’re better prepared than fear would have us believe.

But what about for those moments we’re not prepared, and the fear is very real? How do we act in spite of it to reach the other side?

Consider this progression of dealing with fear: It starts with recognition, leads to a reframe, provokes a response, is strengthened by repetition, and ends with release.

1)    Recognition that fear is present. As writer Elizabeth Gilbert shared in her book, Big Magic, we can say to fear: “You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote.” We start by recognizing and acknowledging that fear is with us.

2)    Reframe your relationship to fear. Rather that succumbing to the power it claims to have, shift your perspective. Consider that fear might be there to inform you in a way that’s helpful, not hurtful. Instead of shutting it down, inquire as to why it is showing up in the first place. Refrain from viewing fear as a negative, but rather, as information. Fear tells us a great deal about ourselves if we allow it.

3)    Respond actively and thoughtfully to the fear. Response is different than reaction. Take a moment to decide how you want to proceed now that you’ve named the fear and shifted your perspective. You have the momentum now. Not that responding well is necessarily easy – but it is possible. How will you choose to act during and alongside the fear?

4)    Repetition. Simple, not easy. Continue to handle fear by accepting its presence, adjusting your mindset in relation to it, and choosing how you will respond. Strengthen the muscle of acting in the face of fear. See what happens when you give it time to grow.

5)    Eventually, there will be a release. You’ll realize the intensity you once felt when faced with this scary thing may not be so extreme any longer. You’ve practiced what to do when you feel scared in this way, and you just might find that the fear has relinquished its once mighty grip.

By no means is this a formula that works in every situation, but it’s a starting point to experiment with. It’s helped me in various ways. Where I once was afraid to talk to strangers, I’ve found myself quite the social butterfly, and someone who now finds that strangers are often just friends we haven’t met yet. Where I used to fear letting other people down, I’ve found myself surprised by the grace extended to me when I do, because it gives others freedom to fail me, too.

Maybe this all works for you. Maybe it doesn’t. Just remember this –

Fear doesn’t have ultimate power… so don’t let it convince you otherwise.