Alexa Babin

Going deep on this one.

My knee jerk response? No. I don’t live with regret. Part of me even wants to go as far as saying I don’t believe in living with regret. But I think that’s an unfair and overly optimistic view of the concept.

Some things are worth regretting, aren’t they?

What’s the last thing you did that you regret? What does regret feel like in your body? Your mind? Do you ever talk about it, or express it in any way?

I’ve done a lot of thinking about regret over the years. I can’t say that I’ve come to a full conclusion about the things that are worth regretting versus those that aren’t. But here’s what I do know—I have actively chosen to live my life with as little regret as possible.

Sure, on some level, there are things I do regret. But mine’s more about the things I could have done rather than the things I have already done. Positive regret instead of negative, I guess you could say.

Like spending more time with people I loved who have died.

Being bolder earlier in life.

Believing in myself at a younger age.

These are things that I regret not stepping into sooner. As far as things I’ve done that I regret? Well, no big ones come to mind. Honestly. I know that probably sounds crazy (maybe it is). There are moments in my life that I’d change or take back, but for the most part, I’ve done soul-reckoning with myself, with God, and with other people involved in certain instances. And because of dealing with it, while I might choose differently if given a do-over, I don’t feel regret over these moments. I feel growth. Gratitude. Clarity.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to lean into lessons learned instead of nagging regret.

If an event or action in your life can lead to regret or growth, which would you choose?

Maybe regret and growth can co-exist for a time. But ultimately, in my experience, regret will eat your insides like a poison. Living with the weight of “what if?” can quite literally demolish your health—physical, mental, spiritual, you name it.

What is the antidote to regret, then?

Perhaps there are many, but the one that comes to mind first for me is gratitude. It is so hard to be both regretful and thankful. It is hard to feel almost anything negative and grateful simultaneously.

When I think of all the extra time I could have spent with my cousin before he died, I start to feel that sense of regret. And yet, if I call to mind all the time we did have together, I feel overwhelmed at the gift of his life, short as it was.

For the times I’ve said things that hurt a friend during a disagreement, I can regret my words and their delivery, or I can reflect on how we grew closer as a result of mending the tear in our friendship and feel profoundly thankful for the deeper bond we share now.

Regret, or… something else?

It seems to me there is often a choice.

What do you think?